hey all. meaning: hello brenda, the one person who reads my blog.
i dont care. im gonna pretend as if i have many readers, all over the country, anxiously tuning in to hear about the most trivial of events just because they happened to me.
so heres the drama i've been dealing with that's kept me curled up in bed at the end of the day instead of emotionally sane enough to sit at a laptop:
-when i put in my half-week's notice at my old job, they offered me a raise/promotion, and a heaping dose of GUILT. i had to answer them by the next day.
-coworkers who were upset at me because i had vented to them about another coworker. at the same time, said coworker was fired, allowing her to look like the victim/martyr and leaving me to look like the worst person in the universe. in retaliation, i was ostrasized and treated very badly.
-trying to be mature and drama-free about the situation, i confronted my coworkers, pleading with them to please tell me if i had done/said something to offend them. when they denied everything, and still refused me, all that came out of me was "when you guys talk shit about my talking shit, it makes you all hypocrits. hypcrits and FUCKING COWARDS!". accompanied with sobs, those were my last words to my summer of cutting cheese.
-moments after clocking out for the last time, i drove myself to the movies, bought a giant diet coke, and cried through the entirety of 'eat pray love'. i felt so much better.
-i started my new job at a quaint but trendy little family-run chain of upscale french cafes (patisseries, if you will). back in the midst of the hustle and bustle of my city's financial district. today was day 2, and i cant tell yet if i love it or hate it. i am good at it though, and i do know that with my siouxsie sioux hair-do, smokey eyeliner, and leggings, i fit right in. so i guess we'll see.
school starts next week and i think i'm too exhausted to tell if i'm excited. i'll be taking a mold-making class. and another called 'expressions in clay'. it sounds fancy, but its really just a ceramics class (no, no wheel-throwing. no, i wont be recreating scenes from any demi moore movies).
i'm just trying to take inventory of all the things i learned this summer. about myself, about my life, about how to be myself in my life. multiple times a day, i am making sure to dwell on gratitude. big or small, heavy or petty, i am choosing to thank the universe for everything i have at every opportunity i have it. i have found that the more grateful i am to the universe for its offerings, the more the universe gives me. so lately, when a friend texts me, i thank the universe that i have people in my life that care about me. when i exercise, i thank the universe for my functioning limbs. fuck even when i get home to an empty and desolate apartment, i thank the universe for allowing me a daily dose of 'peace and quiet'.
all this gratitude has really worked wonders for me. cos even though i'm broke, overwhelmed and lonely, i know i'm lucky enough to experience these emotions. for example, i'm broke because i am following my heart and my passion by getting a masters degree in sculpture (how many people can say that?). i'm overwhelmed because i'm an adult with responsibilities; but how lucky am i that i've made it this far without any real calamities? and, yes, maybe i am lonely. but i'm single because i've refused to settle for anything my heart knew wasnt the right match for me, and i'm SO relieved to have only had to deal with a broken heart, and not a broken marriage.
so, reflecting, i know the universe has great things in store for me. i just KNOW these things are right around the corner. i just *FEEL* it.
stay tuned.
current mood: delighted
current music: black mountain - angels
No comments:
Post a Comment